last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
