Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
