No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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