i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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