There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need help removing her.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
