You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
