I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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