I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
