what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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