I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
