She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
