i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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