searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize