Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
