you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
