either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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