Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
