Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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