those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
