i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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