Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
