I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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