What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
