please come you make the beer taste better
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize