He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
did i walk over a car last night?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
