I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
