it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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