My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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