The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
