dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
