I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
