Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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