I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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