I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
