we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize