it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
