ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
