Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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