I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
