So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
