you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
