please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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