Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
