Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
