Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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