Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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