Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
