thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
one two three fourrrrnication!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
