Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
North Korea, Best Korea!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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