wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
