It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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