come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
