i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you traded sex for a burrito?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
