You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
