I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
