its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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