Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
