we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
