Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize