Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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