best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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