it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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