you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
