I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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