In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
