With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My pussy is not your playground.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sarcasm needs its own font
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
