Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
a search helicopter?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
