Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
