did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize