The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
