paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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