it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
