i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
