so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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