Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
