Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
