i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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