i would punch a child for taco bell
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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