haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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