I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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