Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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