Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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