Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
