420 ftw
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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