my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Randomize