Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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