I love black thongs
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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