Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
