Your mouth is God's brothel.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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