Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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