i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
