I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
